I’m not good at anything (so I told myself…)
So often, I have no clue what I’m doing. I feel like I have lots to offer and exciting ideas and this stupid deep knowing that I’m meant for something…more…
And yet, somehow, I always excel at dropping the ball.
I haphazardly jump from one project to the next, one blunder to another, and eventually end up standing in what appears to be the same place.
Square one — is that you, old friend?
This pattern I always find myself in, it must exist because, well, maybe I’m not good at anything.
Or maybe, I’m just not good enough.
Or perhaps, maybe I’m not focused enough and get distracted too easily by all these shiny objects.
I don’t know. Maybe it’s all three.
Or maybe it’s something else.
Did you know (according to Psychology Today) that 85% of the world struggles with self esteem and confidence? Which means, most people are walking around feeling like they’re not good enough.
This is horrible math! But hey, at least we’re not alone. :]
Jokes aside, when you think about it, there’s no way 85% of the world is just subpar and not good enough. I’m pretty sure things would be falling apart much worse.
Obviously, this is a false narrative. Obviously, most people are “good enough”.
So what gives?
That’s what I intend to uncover in this post.
Let’s get into it.
Table of Contents Show
You’re Probably Better Than You Think
A little bit of humility looks good. But too much creates problems.
Luckily, you’re very likely much better than you give yourself credit for.
So why do we feel like we’re not up to snuff? This is a nuanced and individual situation, but here are a few potential reasons:
Unrealistic expectations
Unrealistic timelines
The ‘curse of knowledge’ bias (keep reading)
Comparison culture
Inaccurate portrayals of people online
New trends and tech constantly making you feel like you missed another boat
The truth is, no matter where you are, there will always be someone better than you (or who knows more than you).
But at the same time, there will always be someone who knows less than you.
Even a beginner who has only recently discovered some new interest is ahead of someone who is still unaware.
Everyone is a beginner at some point. And no one ever finishes.
In fact, the more skilled and knowledgeable you become at something, the more you’ll realize all that you still need to learn.
This is called the Dunning-Kruger Effect. And for some people, this realization (that you still have a long way to go) can lead to self doubt — even though you are, by all accounts, quite good.
Similarly, when you become so good at something that it becomes second nature, you often don’t even realize that it’s a skill or special knowledge.
This is a bias called the curse of knowledge (mentioned just above).
So step back. Appreciate where you are and what you actually know.
You’re probably better and smarter than you think.
Undervaluing Yourself + the Power of Serendipity
Are you undervaluing your skills, background, knowledge and experiences?
Sometimes, hindsight and serendipity take a while to realize.
But seemingly unrelated or unimportant knowledge and experiences sometimes come together in fascinating, amazing ways.
Steve Jobs talked about this in his Stanford speech, referring to it as connecting the dots.
So don’t be so quick to judge what you’ve done so far, even if things feel disconnected or aimless.
You may be surprised to learn that (someday in the future) that “unimportant” experience, random skill or interesting knowledge is exactly what’s needed and exactly what will set you apart from the rest.
So trust the process.
But if you’re still feeling like you’re not good at anything, maybe it’s because you know, deep down, that you could do a little better. And there’s no shame in that! We’ll forever be students.
So let’s keep moving.
How to Get Better At Stuff (10 tips)
Even just improving 1% everyday will compound over time.
You can do, learn and experience anything you want.
So these are my favorite moves to get better at stuff.
1. Get Clear — Have A Goal
What do you want to get better at? What do you hope to accomplish?
And why?
If you truly feel like you’re not good at anything, then you need to choose something to be good at.
This means making a goal to focus on. Because while we can do anything, we can’t do everything.
So here are some tips for setting goals:
Consider your why
Make them S.M.A.R.T.
Write them down and keep them top of mind
Choose goals that are aligned with your authenticity and values
Do some self awareness work (set goals you actually want)
Recommended: Personal Goal Settings Questions
2. Break Down That Jazz
Big goals can be scary. So let’s make them smaller.
Breaking down your new skill or knowledge goals means turning them into smaller, actionable steps. This requires a little reserve engineering.
Here’s how I like to do things:
Define your big goal
Break down your big goal into micro goals
Break down each micro goal into nano goals
After you reverse engineer your goal, simply focus your attention on the daily nano goals.
As you chip away at each of your micro goals, you’ll eventually reach your main goal.
3. Create Systems
Systems are repeatable steps, or processes, that make reaching targets and completing tasks easier and more repeatable.
Workflows are an example of a common system people use.
For instance, I use a specific blogging workflow to grow this site, starting with keyword research and ideation and going all the way to writing, publishing and updating posts.
A system is essentially designing your tasks in a way that makes the most sense for you (i.e., it matches your lifestyle, goals and preferences).
Systems help you focus and stay consistent. But they also identify problem areas, or bottlenecks, such as a lack of time, resources or skill gaps. By shining a light on system issues, you can create solutions for them.
So for your goal of getting better at something, try to systematize your actions.
You can start by finding a time management strategy you like and organizing your tasks into a digital to-do list. You can also check out Ali Abdaal’s YouTube for great tutorials on creating productivity systems.
4. Stop Comparing Yourself
Exit out of the apps.
Delete them if you need to.
Getting better at something requires:
Self belief
A sense of personal pride (celebrate your Ws — big or small)
Comparing yourself to others ruins this frequency. So get out of the apps and stop doom scrolling.
Or, curate a better home feed for yourself.
The algorithms give you what you like and watch. So start watching more inspiring, motivational and educational content. It may take a few days, but eventually, your social feeds will look way better.
5. SWOT Yourself
A SWOT analysis is used to identify (and organize) your:
Strengths
What are you currently good at or knowledgeable about?
Weaknesses
What do you kinda suck at?
Opportunities
What opportunities are there (or could there be) in your life?
Threats
What obstacles do you currently have (or foresee)?
A SWOT analysis is an effective way to clarify and visualize your where you are now, where you’re going and what’s standing in your way.
But I also like to take things one step further by adding an in-between section for the weaknesses or obstacles that I’m actively working on. It’s nice to see that progress since labeling everything as either strength or weakness feels a little too binary and permanent.
Once you have your SWOT finished, you’ll know where you should focus your attention.
That is, strengthen (or outsource) your weaknesses and lean into your strengths and opportunities.
6. Be A Copycat
Mimicry gets a bad rap. I think people view it as being inauthentic.
But it’s an awesome way to learn.
Because if you want to know the road ahead, ask the person coming back. This usually saves you time and energy from trying to learn by trial and error alone.
Luckily, there are plenty of free resources and courses online these days.
So find someone who you resonate with (someone with a similar vibe or who you share values with). And copy what they did.
While you’re at it, embody their lifestyle too. Because new skills and knowledge are amplified when your mindset, actions and emotions are equally aligned with that new state of being.
Eventually, with enough copycatting, you’ll add your own flavor to the sauce.
But when you’re just starting out (or looking to sharpen your skills), it’s smart to borrow a playbook or two.
And if you can swing it or you have someone in your inner circle, finding a personal mentor can really speed things along too.
7. Work Within Your Zone of Proximal Development
“If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.”
Getting better at something requires you to focus on the right challenges at the right time.
Too much challenge and we break. But too little and we stagnate.
Enter proximal development.
The zone of proximal development is the area just beyond your current skills and knowledge. You’re challenged, but not too challenged. This is the sweet spot for growth.
After all, you wouldn’t start five steps ahead of your current skill level, right?
That’d be lunacy.
So define where you currently are (skill wise) and push yourself beyond little by little. It’s good to be a little uncomfortable, but if you find yourself getting overwhelmed, maybe take a step back.
8. Develop A Growth Mindset
Growth thinking is a life tool. It’s also a more accurate way to see yourself.
A growth mindset says your abilities and knowledge are not fixed, and that with practice you can adopt or learn any new skill.
This is an important perspective to have as you get better at things in your life. Also, it’s more accurate.
According to neuroplasticity, anyone truly can get better at anything at any time. So believe it to be true.
A growth mindset reframes setbacks as learning moments and cultivates patience and an appreciation for the process. This is probably the most effective way of learning and skill acquisition.
So do some deep dives and study up on cultivating a growth mindset. You can try my growth mindset journal prompts here!
9. Focus On Quantity Over Quality
When you’re a beginner or looking to strengthen your skills, practice and repetition are the best move.
This sounds boring and cliche, but it works.
It’s the quantity over quality principle, which is best explained with a story.
Imagine there’s an art professor. She’s tasked with assigning a semester project for her class. So she decides to split the class into two groups.
Group A is tasked with creating as many paintings as possible within the semester.
Group B is tasked with creating the single best painting during the semester.
The result? Group A, who focused on quantity, ended up creating the best painting.
Why is this? There are a few things at work here. But mainly, focusing on quantity means:
More practice time
More chances to get “lucky” with one piece being objectively better
More time to test and improve methods
More time to find a unique, authentic style that stands out
So if you want to get better at something, take advantage of being a beginner and ignore quality.
Just focus on output.
Recommended: The Quantity Over Quality Strategy (4 steps)
10. Have Fun
Learning is fun. You can literally become better and stronger at anything.
For me, studying new things and dabbling in extra topics excites the imagination, boosts my creativity and makes me feel like an active participant — an explorer — in life.
So learn, study, practice, but remember to have fun with it.
Here are some quick tips to enjoy the ride:
Fall in love with the process
Get better at things you actually enjoy and that amplify your authenticity
Take breaks and don’t be too hard on yourself
Have realistic timelines and expectations
Stack the cards in your favor
Actually use your new skills in personal projects
Later ✌️
Feeling like you’re not good at anything is a common limiting belief.
While it can highlight areas you need to improve at, often we don’t appreciate the knowledge, experience and skills that we do have. Because chances are, you know something others don’t.
Still, there are smart ways to actually get better at something.
Namely, setting clear goals, breaking those goals down into smaller actionable steps, working in your zone of proximal development and not comparing yourself to others are a few of my favorite tips.
But at the end of the day, the most important thing is to appreciate what you do know, stay consistent and have fun with the learning process (because it never ends).
Want More? Okay. Here’s More.
