The Quiet Confidence Playbook (how to have chill confidence)

I like modesty. There’s a certain comfort that comes with humility and staying low-key with stuff. So this is my take on quiet confidence and how to have it.

Being covertly confident means letting your actions and results speak for themselves. It’s more passive but, in my rather humble opinion, looks better.

Quiet confidence is when you internally know some truth about yourself and feel no need to prove it to anyone else. It’s patience mixed with modesty. And it feels good.

This post shares how I practice building it.

So let’s do this!

Table of Contents Show

What Is Quiet Confidence? (meaning, signs + benefits)

Quiet confidence is silent assuredness in yourself, your skills and/or your knowledge. It means quieting your ego and not feeling the need for any external validation. It’s being chill about yourself.

It’s modesty for your skills, talents and self. But it’s important that you still maintain some confidence (because too much modesty isn’t good either).

So let’s explore what quiet confidence looks like.

8 Signs of Quiet Confidence

1. Patience and calmness

2. You welcome to setbacks or failures

3. An optimistic and happy outlook

4. Not boasting about your accomplishments

5. Not comparing yourself to others

6. A growth mindset

7. A willingness to take risks or try new things

8. Independent

The Power of Quiet Confidence (8 benefits)

1. People trust you and your expertise more

2. Less likely to speak too soon or need to retract statements

3. People are naturally curious about you

4. Less stress and anxiety

5. Higher emotional intelligence

6. More externally aware

7. A strong proclivity for growth

8. Quiet confidence just looks more attractive

How I Cultivate Quiet Confidence (6 moves)

1. Focus On Skill Building (not praise)

Outside approval or validation is a diminishing return.

So I avoid looking for praise and try to just focus on building out skills and my personal happiness. I’m not perfect, but that’s always my intention.

Seeking praise or approval is a signal of struggling confidence.

This is normal — it’s okay to feel this way (you are human, after all). But it doesn’t have to be a permanent state.

In my experience, focusing on skill-building is an effective way to nip this one in the bud.

Because when you put in the work and get good at something, you know it. You become more sure of yourself. It becomes a feedback loop of confidence and competence, where increased competence creates more confidence, which fuels more motivation, skill building and more competence.

So focus on your skills, knowledge and expertise. Ignore the praise, ignore the hate and everything in between.

Quiet confidence lives here.

2. Do More, Talk Less

This one is hard. Because talking about and sharing what you’re doing is enticing and fun.

It’s inevitable sooner or later. But it’s all too easy to talk too much (while not actually doing enough). I’m simply speaking from personal experience.

I got really good at scheming big ideas and sharing my plans. But dropping the ball when it came to my follow-through skills.

But the more I got into the habit of talking less and doing more, the more quiet confidence I experienced.

Besides, if you’re actually too busy doing more and talking less, your actions usually start speaking for themselves.

Explore more:
➤ How to Think Less, Talk Less + Do More

3. Have A Clear Purpose

Purpose guides us. Purpose drives us. Purpose gives me confidence and assuredness in what I’m doing and why.

Purpose is my mission statement and vision in life and for my personal brand.

I think everyone should sit down and clarify what they’re want and what they’re building.

“Life is a creative project. Content and social media are the modern resume. And everyone is a personal brand.”

So what’s your purpose, your mission?

When you have a clear goal that excited you, you’re more calm and sure of yourself and your actions. A good purpose is rooted in your personal values, passions, talents and experiences.

When you have a purpose and are building something that’s aligned with it, you naturally become more confident without even trying.

Explore more:
➤ Find Your Ikigai (your purpose)

4. Be Intentional + Decisive

For me, confidence’s the ability to make decisions quickly. This is living life with clear intention.

Knowing exactly what you want is step one. But knowing how you’re going to work towards it and having a clear action plan is step two.

This makes you look super intentional and decisive. It also increases the likelihood of reaching your goals (which creates even more confidence).

So start by getting better at making small decisions quicker and with more intention. For example, deciding what to eat or how to start an email.

Eventually, you’ll realize many of the small choices you anguished over had little impact on your life or successes. But for the important ones that do matter, you’re able to make those quicker now.

It’s a way to streamline your life. This makes you look and feel more confident.

Explore more:
➤ Do More of What Makes You Happy

5. Listen More + Celebrate Others Before Yourself

I always try to listen more than I speak and genuinely celebrate other people’s successes, ideas or hard work.

It’s also a smart strategy — it’s a way to learn. You learn what other people are doing and why. You learn what’s working (or not working) and what resonates with people.

“When we talk, we’re usually just repeating what we already know (or what we think we already know).”

Listening and boosting other’s before yourself supports more humility and patience. And these are key components of quiet confidence.

Also, more listening means you’re more quiet. Talking too much completely defeats the purpose of quiet confidence.

The trick is knowing when to talk and when to listen.

I’m not perfect, but this practice builds trust and quiet confidence.

6. Travel More

There’s no way around it, traveling (especially solo traveling) makes you more confident.

It’s also super fun and expands your perspectives in beautiful ways.

It’s not always easy to hop halfway across the world and land in a country that doesn’t speak your language. But you grow like crazy when you do it.

You can even start small by visiting nearby towns you’ve never explored or different parts of your city. You can start expanding outward slowly with road trips or domestic flight. Eventually, you can explore overseas.

Traveling is a one way ticket to quiet confidence. Challenging your beliefs, testing your patience and experiencing different cultures and languages are potent things.

So start planning that trip — you won’t regret it.

Explore more:
➤ How to Travel More

Later ✌️

Quiet confidence is chill assuredness in yourself and your skills or knowledge.

It’s modesty, but with just the right amount of confidence. It’s powerful stuff and nothing looks quite as confident as letting your actions speak for themselves.

My favorite ways to improve my quiet confidence is to practice listening more, travel and just focusing on taking action by doing more than I say.

Just remember, there’s nothing wrong with being proud of your achievements. But balancing your progress with a low-key attitude makes them even sweeter.

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