Failure Makes You Stronger (a running list of my best fails)
I had way too much fun writing this. I thought it was going to be harder, or at least embarrassing. But I guess all that mindset stuff paid off. So I guess it’s true: failure makes you stronger.
This is my very public running list of all my biggest failures (and how they made me better).
I’m sharing them for two reasons:
So I can better own them
So that they may serve as inspiration for you
Because truthfully, I do love all my setbacks – they represent my biggest learning and growth moments. So this post should exemplify why failure is good. Nay, why failure is great.
And of course, this list is not 100% complete…I mean, I can’t remember all of my fails. But these are the big ones that stick out. And I’ll keep this post going as I stumble onto new ones.
So let’s wrap up the small talk and dive right in – but first, a brief look at why failure and mistakes make you stronger.
Why Failure Is Good (some benefits)
Why is failure good? What’s so great about it?
It’s one of those mantras we often hear, and it’s easy enough to accept, in theory – but it’s actually pretty hard to totally adopt and fully embrace, in reality.
But like anything, practice makes perfect (hence this post).
So here are some of my favorite reasons for why failure is actually a good thing for growth:
It exposes our weaknesses and things we should work on
Failure means more practice, which makes you better
It teaches us how to not to do something (which brings us closer to the right way)
Failure teaches us humility
Failure makes winning taste so much sweeter
Failure makes us more resilient and disciplined
Failure creates epic stories and adventures worth sharing
Failure Makes Me Stronger (my top failures…so far)
I’m all about embracing mistakes. But it’s usually easier said than done.
So this is a list of my biggest meh moments. No one’s perfect, and I can tell you that each of these had some lesson or moved me closer to some skill or knowledge.
So let’s dive in!
Wasted University Opportunities
I failed biology my freshman year. And I barely scraped by in many other courses too. Why?
Not because I couldn’t grasp the information – but because I didn’t have focus and my priorities weren’t aligned.
For the biology course, it was a morning class and my 19 year-old self overslept because I went out partying the night before instead of studying. For others, I lost interest, or was distracted with other dreams.
So is this failure really such a good thing? I think so (just a bit more expensive than preferred).
How this made me better: I’d always been given second chances and support for my meandering dreams – but university and real life taught me quickly that I was an adult now.
My professors had zero sympathy and I better learned the importance of focus and work.
My First Time Playing Live
My first time playing live sucked – not counting that local talent show audition I did when in middle school with my first pop punk band.
It wasn’t a big show or anything. It was at a local music bar in Japan – super intimate and super small. The patrons were nice, but rewatching the videos, one thing was apparent: I couldn’t sing.
Hard to watch.
How this made me better: I realized I needed to sharpen my singing skills – so I did. I started working with a vocal coach.
My Second Time Playing Live
Moving on to my next “live” show. This was another (larger) bar in Japan. The room was pretty empty and the vibe was pretty casual.
I blew it again.
The singing wasn’t as bad (not perfect yet…), but my performance and ability to play many songs was awful.
I have thousands of song ideas and half finished choruses and melodies. I can sing random verses and bits of covers. But this is not good. I felt like a fish out of water.
I wasn’t in my room just having fun and not worrying about not finishing a song through.
How this made me better: I realized a simple (and obvious) truth – finish your effing songs, dude! Work on your performance abilities and maybe learn a few covers. Finish what you start.
My (temporary) Failure to Playing Live A Third Time
I call myself a musician – and I am. But I can’t…or rather…don’t play live.
I’ve always struggled putting myself out there (musically). It’s been a fear and anxiety of mine. The internet has opened a lot of other doors and opportunities however – but it’s made me further delay this dream.
So my fear and inability to prepare and get out there again is a type of failure. It’s something I need to overcome though. And I know this.
How this made me better: I’ve realized what my fears are. These are the things I need to focus on and practice. Growth happens beyond the periphery of your current skills and comfort zones – and playing live shows is something I can’t ignore forever.
Travel-Adventure Filmmaking
A few years ago, I started falling in love with travel filmmaking. I mean, it was inspiring and invigorating to watch all the videos and the creators behind the magic.
So I set out to learn this skill. I watched hundreds of hours of content, consumed all the media and studied all the theories. I was ready. I felt confident – I “knew it all”.
And then, I sucked. Felt clueless. Apparently forgot everything I knew, left standing there with a camera and a question mark above my head.
How this made me better: I realized one of the most important truths – just studying something will never make you an expert.
You need to do the thing. Take action. Being an “armchair” anything is not a skill. Now I know (with filmmaking and everything else), take action soon. Fail. Fall. Learn. Then do it again.
My First Attempts At Singing
I touched on this issue above (that is, realizing I couldn’t sing after my first time playing music in front of people). So I started singing lessons.
But they were harder than expected. And I wasn’t magically better overnight. I didn’t receive some secret technique that changed everything in an instant.
I had to put in the work and practice. But I didn’t, for so long. I’d skip days on end with no practice – then show up to practice with zero improvement (sorry to my coaches…).
How this made me better: I realized that taking action was not enough. You need to take action consistently and reframe your expectations.
Extraordinary results come from doing ordinary things for unordinary amounts of time.
My First In-Person Music Collaboration
We’ve covered a lot of my musical misadventures. But there’s more. Let’s start with my first in-person collaboration attempt.
I…failed.
As if playing live didn’t expose my weak points enough, playing with others who were more disciplined and focused highlighted things in a new way. I didn’t prepare for our practice songs and I couldn’t improvise or sing with confidence.
How this made me better: This was around the same time I was getting privy to my core weaknesses with music – so this experience was a cherry on top.
It taught the importance of learning from other musicians and people. It taught the importance of preparation.
My First Digital Music Collaboration
Fast forward one year. And I’ve been chipping away at many of my weak points. I was singing better and finishing more music.
I was posting my singing and guitar videos online and actually getting some love. It felt good.
This led to some networking and a collaboration opportunity. We cowrote the song together, refined the lyrics, met over Zoom, all of that – and it’s actually a sweet jam.
He’s a producer (this was before I knew anything about producing). So he made the music and sent the instrumental tracks to me, so I could record my singing.
This experience exposed all of my in-the-studio issues, lingering singing problems and other musical bottlenecks. I never finished those vocal stems.
And the song remains, sadly to this day, in limbo (I apologize my friend – we will finish one day!).
How this made me better: I realized the importance of expanding my skill set, learning music production basics, recording techniques, click tracks and that we don’t always finish everything we start. The inspiration fizzled for both of us.
That Road Trip Across America In January (With No Heat)
I grew up in Northeast Ohio, United States. But I often visit (sometimes live in) Colorado. And I’ve driven the route more than a few times.
This time, before I left, I was fixing some important things in my Jeep – but decided to ignore the heat. I was banking on the weather being at least halfway decent (so I could save a few coins).
I ended up driving during a weeklong cold front with record-breaking lows. Whoops.
How this made me better: Spending money is different than investing money in important things. Not having heat in my car for a 20+ hour drive through middle America sucked.
I would have paid more than double the original price to fix my heat to have it at that moment. So I learned the value of long-term thinking and delayed gratification.
All of My Almost Finished Songs
I’m so close! But for whatever reason, I decide they suck, or I get distracted with another project – and I never finish them.
I’m working on this now, circling back to old projects and focusing on my current ones. Not getting too distracted, and keeping my workflow.
How this made me better: Starting new things is exciting and easy. But finishing what you start is hard and requires discipline. But progress and success hinges on finishing.
So my expectations for progress have been reset – not in my ability to come up with ideas, but in my ability to finish them.
My First Couple Years Attempting Music Production
I’ve had a lot of unrealized, or ignored, weaknesses in music.
Music production was a struggle for me to learn. I’d spent almost two decades playing guitar and writing music in this way. So moving to a computer felt…unnatural.
I felt like a complete beginner. It was painful and embarrassing. I felt like a failure.
How this made me better: I realized the importance of approaching things like a beginner. I realized the importance of a growth mindset.
I’ll never know everything in music. I’ll never be the best or smartest or most creative. But I know that I can always improve and grow.
All of My First Social Media Ads
Social media advertising is another example of knowing the theory – but not the reality.
I took the courses, watched the videos and even wrote blogs on these things (basically just regurgitating other things I read and heard from other people).
But I never took any action to learn and apply these theories. I never did the work.
So when I tried social media marketing, I failed. I wasted all of my money and never made a single sale. I sucked.
How this made me better: Never pretend to be an expert or to know something you don’t. Always assume you still have more to learn. I learned the importance of having proof in doing something before trying to share or teach it.
I also learned what did not work in social media marketing and the importance of retargeting, giving value and knowing your customer.
My Attempt At Email Marketing
OK, so social media marketing was a flop. How about email?
Another failure.
I succeeded in getting my first 20-30 emails by offering a freebie teaching about social media marketing. But I went in for the ask (the sale) way too soon and I wasn’t an expert in the thing I was teaching.
How this made me better: I realized the importance of patience. The importance of nurturing an audience or fanbase. I realized that asking for a sale straight away is just taking without giving first.
I realized the importance of truly knowing your stuff and the value of giving with no expectation of anything in return.
My Past Attempts At Entrepreneurship
My first “business venture” was trying to start an online English school, based around messaging and 24/7 access to native speakers for questions and chats.
It would be a sort of subscription model so English learners could have quick access to native speakers for any questions, corrections or information they needed.
It’s a decent idea – but it failed.
How this made me stronger: I realized I didn't know how to reach an audience or how to create content and messaging that resonates with them.
This failure helped me to better learn sales funnels, marketing, brand awareness and the art of building an audience.
My First (Free) ebook
I wrote an ebook – well, it was more of a freebie lead magnet. But still an ebook.
No one read it. Nobody downloaded it. And if they did, it didn’t provide any groundbreaking value. I spent many hours making it – but it’ll never go anyway.
But that’s OK.
How this made me better: I learned (or rather, relearned) one key thing: The first iteration is rarely a hit. The steps to success are usually full of ups and downs and setbacks and, well, failures.
But I learned the process of making an ebook. I’ve learned what didn’t work and I can’t wait to try again (perhaps soon).
Realizing My Creative Visions and Goals (almost there)
I think we all have a lot of ideas, visions and dreams. That’s pretty normal. But making them a reality is scary – and often the first attempts are failures.
This has been the case for me. Every creative endeavor I’ve embarked on has lead to no outward or monetary success. But I learned invaluable things along the way.
How this made me better: I learned what I was bad at and sharpened those skills. I learned what I truly loved and how I could add unique value using my passions.
My Attempts to Build An Engaged Fan Base for My Music
It’s easy to get caught up in the social media hype of virality and growing an audience in the millions – somehow overnight, because of a viral TikTok.
I used to fall for this dream. I would put out content and hope for traction, only to get a few hundred views. But my biggest failure was not appreciating the few people who did like what I was doing.
I was getting some engagement, comments and developing a fanbase. But I missed it, because it wasn’t “in the millions”. This was a mistake.
How this made me better: I learned patience is more important than rushed content for the sake of quick growth. I’ve learned that not everyone is in my audience.
I learned the importance of focusing on creating content, music and value that is genuinely helpful for someone.
I’ve developed a mindset that, if I can reach even just one person and add value to them, then I’ve won.
My First Blog (over 150,000 words, never to be read…lol)
My first blog is where I first learned about SEO (search engine optimization), digital marketing and how to rank articles in Google.
And I wrote a ton of content on the subject – but most of it went unnoticed.
I was still a beginner and, looking back, I know exactly what I was doing wrong. So the blog failed, but I learned a ton from it.
How this made me better: I learned how to find and target low-competition, high volume keywords. I learned how to build a successful blog.
Through my ultimately failed first attempts, I learned SEO and came out with an in-demand, modern digital skill set.
My Many Awkward Travel Moments
Oof, for anyone that’s traveled, you know what this one feels like.
Just the other night, I went out to a yakitori restaurant with my friend and we ate in a tatami mat room (where you take your shoes off).
I needed to use the restroom, and realized as I walked into the bathroom that I forgot to put the complimentary slippers on my feet. So unhygienic!
Needless to say, the walk of shame back to my table was embarrassing. These travel moments pop up a lot. Travel makes us humble and teaches us a ton.
How travel mishaps make better: I’m more confident, smarter and deal with embarrassing moments more easily. There’s no way around it, travel changes you.
To be continued…
I think the section title summarizes this post pretty well.
Failure is never finished. I do believe our mistakes tend to get better – like we’re trading up the quality of failure for better setbacks as we improve and grow.
But the lessons I’ve learned along the way have given me a healthy and opportunistic view of failure. We can let failure beat us, or we can use it to get ahead.
Mindset, awareness, action and discipline.
Anyways, I can’t wait to share my next batch of fails with you here (and a follow up post of my successes – writing now). So until then…
…to be continued…
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